Inspire me.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

7:56 PM

I've been really lucky lately. I've been in a good place despite going through some shitty times. I'm really grateful...I'm not sure to who....the universe I guess? I've been trying to just enjoy life. I've found a lot of spaces where I can feel a lot of positive energy and it's helping reinforce stable brain mode. At times I think maybe I also need to slow down though and spend some time just feeling those bad feels, I might be pushing them further away and just not dealing. It's both good and bad, good because I am able to enjoy all these new experiences without having a cloud over my head. Bad because when I'm alone and not fully distracted or exhausted I go back there and the sad feels come.

I've felt proud of myself though. The way I've been approaching my love life has definitely taken a turn. I'm trying to change because I keep making very obvious mistakes. Except now I'm not too sure if I'm closing myself away from a lot of new experiences. In most cases I'm just trying to follow my intuition, so if there is the slightest reason for not wanting to be around someone I pull away.

The main downer has been Ash tbh. We had a complicated relationship from the start. We dated 6 months before I left to go overseas. We broke up around the 8th month while I was gone. Despite breaking up our communication and expectations of each other remained very much the same. This year after returning we took it slow and eventually started calling each other bf/gf again. We never made it fb official or asked each other but we were basically a couple again. We never really stopped being one I guess considering all the affection and the expectations of monogamy remained. About 3 weeks ago we had a talk though and broke up officially. It's been difficult to set boundaries. I was starting to feel lied to and like I was being led on so I decided to cut the pseudo friendship off a few days ago. It's been hard. I think it's been more that it's difficult to swallow that he doesn't want to try harder when he used to care so much. Feeling defeated that all my efforts were for nothing. Mostly right now just feeling lied to...even when I knew I was being lied to for such a long time but I was just so hopeful that he had changed =( I accepted the words as truth despite the actions very clearly showing the extreme opposite of the wonderful words thrown my way to keep me from questioning him. *sigh*

I just didn't want to go through that again like I did with Tim. For a whole fucking year and half basically. I was "friends" with him after we broke up. I let him treat me like shit. Neither of these people deserved my continued efforts to support and elevate them. It makes me sad that they didn't appreciate me but in the end, I'm happy that these experiences occurred. It's taught me a lot about what I want from a partner and don't get me wrong. There was lots of great moments while I dated them too. All of my boyfriends have opened up my mind to many new possibilities and made me a more tolerant person. So many things that I never would have watched, or read, or listened to or learnt if I hadn't had these people in my life so I am grateful.

I'm happy that despite Ash's attitude toward me I haven't had my confidence and self worth shaken in any way. I've been making lots of personal gains independently. Challenging myself and succeeding and continuing to build up my confidence in myself. So I know I'm awesome =P I've been lucky to have a lot of external validation come my way from various sources to boost that as well. I've met a lot of new people and entered lots of new environments this year and each time I've had very positive experiences. Both in work and in my personal life so I feel like I'm covered on all my fronts.

I know things will be great. It would be nice to be in love though, and have that love returned. Ash made me feel some stuff I hadn't ever experienced with anyone so it makes me very hopeful that really epic feels are most definitely possible and out there for me to experience somewhere one day.

Take care <3

& Kitty goes MeOw.

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Español.

So one day I was hanging out with Kurt and we realised that there are some pretty wacky sayings in the spanish language. Each Spanish speaking country has their own sayings, metaphors and similies but these are a few that I have collected over the last year or so. Every time I hear my mum or grandma say a new one I text Kurt XD It has become somewhat of a little tradition for me now =]

Saying: La negrita astuta vende fruta.
Direct Translation: The (Astute, cunning, sly, crafty, fraudulent) cute/little black girl sells fruit.
Meaning: This saying is said as a sort of warning that you are/someone else is a cocktease

Saying: No calientes el agua (si no vas a tomar té)
Direct Translation: Don't heat the water if you're not going to drink tea
Meaning: This is also a sort of warning to someone who is being a cocktease. Kind of like, don't flirt and lead someone on if you have no intention of hooking up with them. It is also a play on words because in Spanish (Chilean at least) the word calentar (to heat) is also used informally as a way to say 'make horny'. So 'estoy caliente' = I'm hot BUT it means I'm horny. If you wanted to say I'm hot (because of the weather) you would say 'tengo calor'

Tongue Twister: Tres tristes tigres trigo trillaron tranquilos tragaron
Translation: Three sad tigers, wheat they threshed (To separate the grain from the straw or husks by mechanical beating), calmly they swallowed.

Tongue Twister:Pedro Pablo Pérez Pereira pobre pintor portugués pinta paisajes por poca plata para pasar por París
Translation: Pedro Pablo Pérez Pereira poor Portugese painter paints landscapes for little money to pass through Paris.

Saying:Buscarle la quinta pata al gato
Direct Translation:To look for the 5th leg of the cat
Meaning: Looking for problems when there clearly aren't any in that situation, so you're over thinking it and overcomplicating yourself.

Saying: Para ser bella hay que ver estrellas
Direct Translation: To be beautiful you have to see stars
Meaning: I'm guessing this is a fairly old saying because my grandad said it to me once, I kind of fell in love with this little rhyme/mantra. It means that no pain is too great to endure in order to look your best, this particularly refers to women having to wear painful shoes (stilettos) because it makes their legs look hot, wearing tight clothing to show off curves, waxing, plucking, dying hair, and I suppose nowadays you could extend that into getting cosmetic surgery. Just to clarify, my grandad wasn't a dick, I remember the saying coming up because we were watching a show with really attractive women and I was in awe of them and he explained that constructed superficial beauty comes at a price =) Oh and if you don't get the imagery, it's based on seeing "stars" when you hit your head/get dizzy, like if you've ever seen the cartoon representation of stars around the head when they get hit.

*To be continued