Inspire me.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

12:21 AM

I'm back home and really tired but I want to finish the previous post otherwise it will never get out.

So I was saying I'm having issues with boundaries. It's difficult to tell what kind of friends we're meant to be, like are we just gym buddies who don't talk outside of that environment OR can we still be 'best friends'. I feel so dumb calling him a best friend, mostly because I am an IDIOT. Our entire relationship I always made a point of never calling him a best friend, hell, I made a point of never calling him a friend. Now that he's not my boyfriend I can see that he was definitely my best friend, no one knows me as well as he does, no one went through as much with me as he has, no one has ever heard so much of what's inside my head. I never wanted to call him my bestie because that sounds so sappy but mostly because we went from being strangers to being bf and gf. We never went through a phase of being friends, that's why I always thought we would never be friends after we broke up since we didn't have that foundation to begin with.

As lame as this is, I know it was also a defence mechanism. It helped me keep part of me closed off, I guess I did that a lot, as much as he knew me, a huge part of me always kept a mental barrier up. I was always saying things like we wouldn't last, or that we wouldn't be together for ever as a way to make sure I didn't get TOO involved and hurt once it ended. In the end, that was what broke us up...self-full filling prophecy I guess. Or realism...I DON'T KNOW. It's so hard to separate being a pessimist from being a realist.

So it's hard...I want to stay his best friend (still feels wierd calling him that) but I don't want to be overbearing or make him push me away or something. The friends I've been closest with all know that I'm a crazy wierd txter. I send a shitload of random txts that a few days later will be very difficult to decipher. I send so many that I know, and don't ever expect a reply. I'll usually be watching a show and will quote something, or bitch about something stupid I'm seeing/experiencing. A song, a stupid observation. It's generally just mind vomit. Not a lot of people get this mind vomit because I sound crazy and only a select few people in my life have full access to the wierd version of me...I don't want to creep people out haha.

Something as seemingly insignificant as sending a txt makes me worry now that I'm overstepping =.= But i'm nottttt I swear, I just feel comfortable enough to do that with Tim. BLARGH ..not that he's complained, lol I just feel guilty whenever I contact him, like I should be leaving him alone or something. I briefly mentioned this to him, he said I was over thinking things too much lol.

Either way, I'm relatively happy. I get bummed out every time I realise another way in which I've lost him. Like stef's 21st was really hard. All I could think about was that mine was coming up and I'm going to be alone. I won't have him to share it with me...I won't have anyone who will make it special anymore. Plus it feels like a cop out, I worked so fucking hard on his lol and now he's off the hook for mine since we're not together lol.

Oh well...

I'm really tired and I have prac again tomorrow. POOP.

ttyl
Xx

& Kitty goes MeOw.

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Español.

So one day I was hanging out with Kurt and we realised that there are some pretty wacky sayings in the spanish language. Each Spanish speaking country has their own sayings, metaphors and similies but these are a few that I have collected over the last year or so. Every time I hear my mum or grandma say a new one I text Kurt XD It has become somewhat of a little tradition for me now =]

Saying: La negrita astuta vende fruta.
Direct Translation: The (Astute, cunning, sly, crafty, fraudulent) cute/little black girl sells fruit.
Meaning: This saying is said as a sort of warning that you are/someone else is a cocktease

Saying: No calientes el agua (si no vas a tomar té)
Direct Translation: Don't heat the water if you're not going to drink tea
Meaning: This is also a sort of warning to someone who is being a cocktease. Kind of like, don't flirt and lead someone on if you have no intention of hooking up with them. It is also a play on words because in Spanish (Chilean at least) the word calentar (to heat) is also used informally as a way to say 'make horny'. So 'estoy caliente' = I'm hot BUT it means I'm horny. If you wanted to say I'm hot (because of the weather) you would say 'tengo calor'

Tongue Twister: Tres tristes tigres trigo trillaron tranquilos tragaron
Translation: Three sad tigers, wheat they threshed (To separate the grain from the straw or husks by mechanical beating), calmly they swallowed.

Tongue Twister:Pedro Pablo Pérez Pereira pobre pintor portugués pinta paisajes por poca plata para pasar por París
Translation: Pedro Pablo Pérez Pereira poor Portugese painter paints landscapes for little money to pass through Paris.

Saying:Buscarle la quinta pata al gato
Direct Translation:To look for the 5th leg of the cat
Meaning: Looking for problems when there clearly aren't any in that situation, so you're over thinking it and overcomplicating yourself.

Saying: Para ser bella hay que ver estrellas
Direct Translation: To be beautiful you have to see stars
Meaning: I'm guessing this is a fairly old saying because my grandad said it to me once, I kind of fell in love with this little rhyme/mantra. It means that no pain is too great to endure in order to look your best, this particularly refers to women having to wear painful shoes (stilettos) because it makes their legs look hot, wearing tight clothing to show off curves, waxing, plucking, dying hair, and I suppose nowadays you could extend that into getting cosmetic surgery. Just to clarify, my grandad wasn't a dick, I remember the saying coming up because we were watching a show with really attractive women and I was in awe of them and he explained that constructed superficial beauty comes at a price =) Oh and if you don't get the imagery, it's based on seeing "stars" when you hit your head/get dizzy, like if you've ever seen the cartoon representation of stars around the head when they get hit.

*To be continued