I can't stop listening to queen ♥
I feel good, I've been reading a lot the last couple of days and now I'm listening to music =]
I don't listen to much music these days for the music itself...it's really sad =[ If I ever have
something playing it's usually something mind numbing that I just listen to and don't think about. BAD.
I'm feeling in the mood for an overhaul of a few things...but I need to think that through a little more.
I feel bad for not blogging lately, I've kept myself busy. Not entirely sure with what. LOUD! Tribe has held me a lot. Since I'm the new convener I'm in charge of a whole lot now and I don't want to disappoint and I sorta feel good being able to spit out small tasks on time. It's different to uni..where I actually need to process info.
Speaking of uni. It's scaring the crap out of me...I don't want to think about it much but I got an email with some of my timetable for next semester. I start back on July 12 =[ I really have enjoyed this break, I feel like a lot has happened and changed...some good and some bad but what can you do. Mostly I'm really grateful that I don't feel that I wasted this time...most people would think I have, since I didn't study for bio or get a job...which should have been my two main priorities...but I haven't touched on that at all.
I feel like I haven't been in uni since like the first week of October..which is sort of true, but I also did 2 months of practical 5 days a week which I kinda enjoyed despite it feeling like a major sacrifice for not learning anything in the way of clinical skills. I also had two subjects with weekly assessments and handed in some things too...so TECHNICALLY I didn't finish till about my bday in February.
So 4 months without having to do anything uni related. Technically that's only one month more than all u loverly uni people since u all got 3 months off over summer =.= When I only got like a week over xmas and new years...lol
SO the reasons I'm scared of uni:
- It feels like such a hassle...traveling 3 hours there and back, alone...and feeling like my tutes are the biggest waste of time EVER. My aunty's tutes are so much better, I actually learnt way more things at my aunties tutes in UWS than I did over an entire semester. But to be honest going to a few first year classes at UWS I did realise I have learnt a lot more than I realised.
- Showing up for lectures is painful. I go, I promise I will stay...I leave within 10 minutes.
- Over an entire year, I didn't make one friend. It's really disheartening, it's not a huge deal, I don't blame myself or have any of the usual feelings of self pity I used to have in primary school when I felt I couldn't make friends. It was that I didn't WANT to be friends with a single person there. I had my little social circle, a group of us who always sat around each other, but I really couldn't care less. I preferred being in my own company. I didn't try all that hard but...you know, there were a few occasions we went and ate together, watched a movie once, went for drinks after an exam, "studied" together. The experiences just reinforced I didn't care for them all that much. I would love to make friends at uni, I see so many of my friends and they've found pretty awesome people. I just don't like anyone I meet *sigh* and I think it has something to do with the type of people who choose nursing LOL...I dislike all the nursing students at UWS too (that I've met so far).
- The idea of more work placements scares me. The stress and anxiety that builds b4 going and even while I'm there is IMMENSE. It fucks with my head way more than it should =[ I was lucky with my last two pracs that they were THE biggest bludges ever. No one was really sick or needed me...all the nurses did was paperwork or hang out with their patients. EASY. I know it won't be like that any more =[ Which is a tiny bit exciting that I finally get to learn how to do the things you would expect from a nurse (meds, injections, wound dressings, cannula insertions practical stuff). The thing is that learning it on the job is the most stressful thing I have ever endured. The people teaching you don't want you around and think you are a waste of time and are slowing them down, the patients freak out because they KNOW u don't know what ur doing and don't want you touching them and no one has time to show you how to do it properly or calmly. Senior nurses spouting off terms you've never heard and then sending you off to fetch something that you either don't know where the hell it is or what it looks like. or both =[
ugh
- I really don't know if I even want to do nursing any more...when I think about this all it seems so stressful...ugh but I have to remind myself that once I get the hang of things (usually the very last day) I actually enjoy it and feel good that I can help someone *sigh*
- I feel like there is no support in class...but that is a shit excuse..if I bothered to do things on time and prepared ahead of time like we all should I would know what to ask and would then get help.
BEH...but you know, I have no other option. As long as I pass everything I'm set to finish at the end of next year. Then I have to try and apply for the new grad program which everyone seems to love telling me that NO one gets in any more =[
DEPRESSING.
Well...looking over what's happened since I last went to class, these are the changes, good and bad:
-My gran moved out, and mum and me moved to cabra
-I got closer to Tim and hit the one year mark, even met his extended family =]
-Went on my first real road trip/getaway with friends..ON my bday: jervis bay and got to go with Tim too ♥
-I finally found something I can get really excited about: DANCING and joined Asi Es Colombia with michelle =]
-Performed 4 times this year so far: 3 times with the group and hands down the best performance was dancing IN the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras ♥
-Reconnected with Michelle which has been awesome
-Got a radio show and became the producer
-Became the convener of LOUD! Tribe
-Helped out at the Bring It On! Festival
-Helped create two zines so far
-Went to several awesome parties
-Had a fantastic xmas season with kurt
-Had an unforgettable new years both fun and depressing rolled into one.
-Lost Alex R.I.P
-Started drifting apart from kurt =[
-Finally took driving lessons (13/120 hours done...lol)
- Went to UWS for a few classes
- Realised I had learnt more than I thought and that I wan't to explore the possibility of tertiary teaching more than I did before.
-Got a ps3 =]
- Tried ZUMBA for the first time and fell in love
-FINALLY finished Starts With A Spin
-I read my first comic book series: Johnny The Homicidal Maniac
There are a few other things in there but that's the main few things, I'm happy with all that, so that's my last 6 months or so =]
Sorry it's so longggg and about me so much lol, generally this kind of post would go in my private blog so as not to bore you to death but meh.
=]
just spent ages looking fru my private blog lol..looking back on everything.
TIME FOR A PHOTO JOURNAL of some pics that no one ever really saw...nothing special
will be up soon.
ta
x
