I'm awake…its way too early ..What is there to DO at this time..beh
I *just* came back from my 2nd driving lesson. My turns are messed up =[
HEYYY...u know grammatically? Sometimes dictionary tells me that Im is fine without the apostrophe...is that true? :S because I always thought it was meant to be I'm (as in I am) ...and mostly I’m just lazy and don't <-- put in apostrophes unless its formal writing.
beh..im so not in the mood =[
Fantastic =.= mum just woke up and asked me how I went with the driving. I told her my instructor said I could go out driving with my mum because he thinks im good enough to drive in traffic and she just widened her eyes and said uhhh no and walked away
GAH
sjdnlkfnasjfnsf
Im in a really shitty mood from over thinking things too much *sigh* Mainly about this whole…"finding yourself" bullshit. It has ALWAYS really pissed me off when people say they need time off to find themselves or just saying that they're still figuring out who they are. It shits me...mostly because it sounds stupid. Does it mean that they have been an empty shell up until that point? ... or that one day they woke up and lost their identity. STUPID.
The silly thing is that I'm thinking about it because I feel like I'm falling down that hole a little bit. ...so retarded. The thinking escalated after a conversation with Tim but it has been drifting in and out of my mind for ages. I've probably mentioned it here b4 as well.
I feel very...dull. I don't like anything substantially...other than dancing lately…and to be honest Im grasping at straws here...Im clinging onto that with the hope that its giving me some sort of jumping point into a world I actually want to be in...and not just because my friends are there. Beh.
This has all become highlighted with little things. A big one is Tim I suppose...being around him and his friends is an odd experience for me. At the beginning it was really intimidating because they all share the same interests and can talk about their stuff excitedly for ages. You know, with all their comic books, and bands and anime and manga, action movies...internet phenomena and games. Now it isn’t so intimidating, I’ve grown accustomed to taking the back seat in these situations but...I don’t want to. I want to know and care enough about something…ANYTHING. So that I can actually hold a conversation with someone =[ I feel stupid.
It became more evident to me while we were at Jamies the other day watching the Indian "matrix" movie. It didn’t have subtitles so people were just making their own or chatting among themselves. I was content sitting and just being. Then Tim and someone else got bored and asked to change it to something they understood. It suddenly dawned on me that watching a movie I could not understand at all was exactly how I feel around tim and his interests most of the time. Even though I didn’t understand, I didn’t care. I was happy living in my own little world in my mind because I'm used to that. Now THAT is pretty sad...I’ve become so accustomed to not caring or understanding that it doesn't bother me...I don't even crave to be elsewhere...I’m content day dreaming as long as I’m still around people. That doesn’t seem right.
Another thing is that I feel like I've permanently become a plus one. I haven't been invited anywhere because of ME in ages. Most of the time its Tim’s stuff so its clear that I’m just coming because im his gf. Other times I feel like kurts plus one. For example, harbs thing. Harb loves Joel and Kurt. Kurt generally goes with me everywhere so I get an invite because people associate us together...I believe im considered his "handbag" as I was affectionately referred to one day...=[
People love Kurt...he's fun to be around, he talks and gets people interested. Being at parties with him is SAFE for me. I show up, I say my hellos to the host and the rest of the party I get to sit back and laugh at what Kurt and his people say or nod approvingly or ohh and ahhh at the right times.
hmm...I sorta feel like the only reason im wanted around is to either bring Kurt/(joel/mikel = i don’t even have any pull with them anymore) or to be a listener. I feel like Kurt and Tim only want me around because Im a fairly loyal audience who will listen and laugh at their jokes, not because I have anything interesting to say. I want to spend time with them because they talk to me. They make me feel like I have a social life...but it's all them :S
I have a really hard time talking to new people...I can never get it off the ground properly...I have nothing interesting to lead with. Hi...oh so how do u know blahblah...how long have u been going out...work or study? what do u do
BORINGGG
I don’t even care about the answers. Its mindless chatter.
I dislike everyone at uni...and people at parties are generally only fun to talk to once their intoxicated and will actually speak back with more than monosyllables.
I have nothing to talk about.
NO i didnt watch that movie..or show...and if i did i probably didnt like it...why? uhm..coz it was shit. I CANT EXPLAIN THINGS. beh
Nope...I don’t know who *famous person* is...
err nah I don't play games
ohh..uhm nah i haven’t heard of that band...ohohhh that one that sings that song?!...yer they’re good..*cough* Yeah =] I went to a gig of theirs...oh uhm yeah it was really fun ^.^
*awkward silence*
oh I uhm dont watch tv...
na dont watch the news either
sport...ha..NO
McCain…uhm...like the corn? no...oh..uhm..no then
books! i love...reading...oh...uhm….yer i haven’t read that...or that...no i haven’t heard of her...OH yeah I read that...what was it about again?
Now THAT is what a conversation with me generally goes like, you know, when people bother to talk to me. I don't meet new people much any more...and all the people I know, (i would call them acquaintances...but it feels like even less than that) already know not to bother speaking to me...because there is nothing there.
Also...most conversations that occur at parties shit me...most of the time its people telling their stories. Something "epic" or "funny" that happened to them, followed by somebody else who thinks their story is better. "If you think THAT's bad wait till you here this" or "that’s NOTHING you should have seen me last week". Its one longgggg brag fest. I don't like bragging...and I have nothing to brag about...and even when I do it’s usually about something retarded anyway that I don't think people should be bragging about. I don’t care that you got SOOO trashed after x amounts of drinks. I have the same stories I just don’t share because generally they're not something I think is awesome. A lot of the time people who tell these stories sound like lite weights or like they're exaggerating. I could tell you the story of when I got SOOOO WASTEDDD but BIG FRIGGEN WHOOP. NO ONE CARES. Sure I can allude to the fact that I go to some mysterious dark club that you will never go to...but fuck it. I don’t want to sound like a wanker who's trying to show off. Or I could tell you about the time I stacked it really bad *cue laughs* the end. BORING. Whoopdido you smoked THAT many cones and you were THAT high....I can see u choking right now, stop lying. IM SO IMPRESSED WITH YOU. You're so awesome because you’re trying to impress everyone with meaningless shit. WOW you've tried all those drugs...wow b4 u were legal…omg u deserve an award, you're soooo kool, oh but I don't think the neighbours heard you, shout a bit louder next time.
The aim of most party speak is to present urself in the most positive light, you have to feel out your crowd and impress them with the appropriate things. IT’S RETARDED. I don’t want to play this game. I like being around people...sometimes. It makes me feel like I go places and that Im social. But obviously, im not. I just like the feeling of being away from home.
WHY am I so dull. Even my "favourite" things don't represent what they mean to other people. I’ve only watched my favourite movies once or twice. I don't want to see them again. Things lose their shine over time and after you've been exposed so much. My favourite foods...are no longer my favourites…they become just another food...even tzatziki...=[ I couldn't put it down the other day...now im bored with it. Adriana Lima made me drool and I NEEDED to know who she was and she engrossed me for a good 4 hours...then I got bored and now I don't find her as beautiful as I found her in that first moment. That comedian was funny...now the surprise is gone. That person was fascinating, now I’ve exhausted every possible topic of conversation. I LOVE THIS BAND...nope I don’t...I’m over it now
IM BORED
Why can't everything be new and interesting again
hmmm
Is this the whole gen y thing?
beh...I needed to change my frame of mind so I started looking for beth ditto interviews. hmm she's interesting. I want to understand where she's coming from...heh
anyway
I can't just leave this blog with a bunch of crap. So I don't like being dull. SO I guess that means I need to find my own interests and get excited *sigh*...easier said than done. It's not like Im dull on purpose. Tim's helped me see/try/read/hear a lot of new things...Im still not fascinated...at least I can rule out a lot of things now…lol
hmm how to do this. I really don't know... beh
onto something else. Recount =]
Saturday: Took two trains with Kurt to get to Bankstown, had possibly the best snack pack I’ve tried so far at Granville, walked around Bankstown in the rain until we found our way to harbs. The walk was half the fun of the whole experience because I like walking in places I don't know, in the rain, with good company, being lost. I like that it doesn’t matter =] hmmm...im noticing a pattern here. The things that I enjoy the most are usually when I can do something like this and it really doesn’t matter. Not having to be with a bunch of people who are scared they're going to be attacked or get lost. WHO CARES =] even the whole naked thing...I don't particularly want to be NAKED...I just want to be naked and for people not to give a shit (nudist beach, hellfire, dancing change rooms). Where no one cares. Its a very empowering feeling.
Anyway, drenched and a fireworks/fireflys show later we made it to harbs. People were pretty segregated so me and kurt stayed outside for most of it. We hid in the bin cubby, had a giggle fit over the gold cosies. ROFL...whyyyy WHY would u have golf cosies. It’s like putting cosies on spoons LOL
<3
and I don't want to hear it's because they will get scratched
Met Daniel again and his wife this time. Interesting couple. He is/was a fighter, cage wrestler. and sheeee is a jail nurse..lol
perfect
Hung out with anto and em. Me n kurt left pretty early =[ Would have slept over but no one could. The drive was far for mum and I wasn't going to ask her to come later, she had work in the morning. Dropped of Kurt. Got home round 1am
Nice time...despite me not speaking to anyone..lol
Sunday: was the bbq...pretty fail. Tim came over early..."we" had a fight...i don’t think it counts. It was more me getting pissed off at a joke...lol. It was quickly resolved after I explained myself through email. I would have called but I can't get my msg across clearly when people are butting in. Picked up Kurt with mum, gran and lucho came. Gran made the meat...very sad. She burnt it =[ Kurt slept over...I was pretty tiered. Went to bed around 2am.
Monday: Tim came over, we went with Kurt to Livo to get Tim’s hard drive. Dropped off Kurt. Went to Hamilton’s Easter bbq/hunt thing. Stayed a little, Tim found a lot of eggs :S….good eye. Then went back to Tims. We watched the new Dr Who...I should finish it. I started to like it, then it just got annoying. You can't end the world and save it in one episode =.= and the characters were pissing me off. JUST DO AS UR TOLD. fuck. It’s not that hard. Then Tim dropped me off at home =]
lol..its taken me 2 hrs so far to write this out.
SO. my options for today:
do mums assignments
Read transmetropolitan
finish uncharted 2
finish dr who
upload pics onto fb
start COD modern warfare
start COD3
start Quantum of Solace
start The Darkness
start reading one of the 20 novels I have been meaning to start
read my Fundamentals of Nursing
Start studying bio
hmm...I wonder if I will actually do any of them..
at least there's a lot to do I guess =.=...im not particularly bothered for anything
I want to go to Dendys =[
they're movies are much more interesting than this hollywood crap
hmm...
OH i need to look up all the zumba classes that have popped up in the area..lol most of them have the first lesson for free… PLAN ON GOING TO ALL OF THEM XD
lol..yes im cheap. I don’t have enough mula to be joining anything =[
well cya
here are the pics:
all wet on the way to harbs
in the bin cubby
GOLF COSIES
tim gave me one of his power rings...lol I chose indigo =]
The Indigo Tribe, wielders of the indigo light of compassion, make their first extended appearance in Blackest Night: Tales of the Corps #1 (July 2009). Unlike other Corps, the Indigo Tribe carry carved, lantern-like staffs with them.[49] In Blackest Night #5, it's established that Indigo Tribe members use their staffs instead of power batteries to charge their rings. In addition to being able to store indigo light energy, they are also capable of replicating the power of other emotional lights as well; providing indigo power rings access to the abilities of other Corps.[50] To use the power of another Corps, Indigo Tribesmen must be in the vicinity of one of that Corps' members. Without that closeness, their access to the abilities of that emotional light fades.[51]
Like all power rings, indigo rings are capable of the default Corps abilities of flight and protective aura generation.[52] Indigo power rings give their users the ability to perceive compassion in others and to force compassion onto those who feel none.[51][53] Paradoxically, indigo light has the ability to heal individuals with great empathy and to expose people to pain they've inflicted on other people.[53][54] Indigo Power Rings can teleport their users and others over intergalactic distances. This ability utilizes a great deal of power from an indigo power ring, and Indigo Tribe members try to use it sparingly.[54]
and he gave me the bracelet while he was severely intoxicated after the st pats party ^.^
im slowly acquiring more of his things mwahaha i also have his necklace
hmm im in a decidely better mood now lol..
hmm GEH I dislike that its mostly due to Tim calling me..
lol he's on the phone
he wont stop saying DONE AND DONE
SHUT UP
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
=.=
well im done 4 now ttyl
x
PS: I had to reformat everything =.= blogger went nuts and spaced everything out immensely. It is now 12.47pm
RAH
And now im meant to be doing mums assessment. I have no choice.
Btw I need a new phone.
Any opinions? I haven’t really narrowed it down much but choose from these:
Samsung Omnia ICON, BlackBerry Bold 9700, BlackBerry Storm2 9520, BlackBerry Bold 9000
I have done zero research. All I know is I want fast internet (fb, google, msn) and a camera with flash so I can post mobile blog. GPS would be appreciated.
Tata.
x
